WTF “FIVE YEARS IN PRISON for one felony count of beverage return of non-refundable bottles.” A legal scholar dismisses the guy’s sophistical “attempted to attempt” defense as “the kind of stuff you torture [law] students with.” I guess this entrepreneur should’ve used the “cannibal cop” defense (my precinct!), who argued that his awful plans were just “fantasy role-play” because he hadn’t actually harmed any women yet — and it worked.